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当我足够好,或许就不会爱你了

与其卑微地乞求一个男人的爱,不如自个儿活得好。

当你爱一个人,而他不爱你,你也许会想:

“如果我变美一点、好一点、出色一点,他是不是就会爱我?”

可是,如果你变美一点、好一点、出色一点,你可能根本不会爱他。

九乐棋牌假使我有那么好,我为什么要爱你?我没那么好的时候,你都没看上我,等我变好了,我才不稀罕你。

当我足够好,或许就不会爱你了

01

九乐棋牌有一个女孩子,曾经死死地爱着一个男人,可他不爱她,他只是一次又一次占她便宜。

九乐棋牌他知道无论他要她做什么,她也会为他做;他知道,即使半夜三点钟,外面刮着冷飕飕的风,他想找个人陪,只要一通电话,她会马上飞奔到他身边,帮他暖床,任他摆布。她是可以呼之则来,挥之则去的。他爱的,是那些比她时髦、漂亮和聪慧的女人。

那时年轻,她以为自己永远都比不上他爱的那些女人,在他面前,她只是一只卑微的丑小鸭,时刻乞求他的爱。有时候,他对她还是不错的,会陪她吃顿饭,会开车送她回家。当他需要的时候,他对她还是挺温柔的,两个人在床上温存的那些时刻,她甚至相信,他也是爱她的,就像她爱他一样。

谁会跟一个不爱的人睡啊?她终究太年轻,入世未深,太不了解男人。他不见得是个坏人,可是,他并没有她以为的那么好。他有多坏?大概也不算很坏吧?他只是不拒绝一个自动滚过来又自动滚回去的女人,他只是任意挥霍一个可怜女子对他的一往深情。

谁要你爱我呢?我都没要你的爱,是你自愿的。当你做了那么多,对方只说:“都是你自愿的。”那一刻,你才发现所有的付出都被辜负了。

02

被爱的女人在那个爱她的男人面前可以任性,可以闹情绪,可她在他面前从来不敢。当她需要的时候,他从来不在她身边,即使她所有的陪伴都是免费的,他也从来不会送她一件小礼物,倒是她一直送他礼物。

九乐棋牌那年圣诞,她一个人去纽约探望住在那边的老同学,两个人在百货公司买圣诞礼物时,她看到一个很漂亮的风景玻璃球。她蹲下来,眼睛定定地看着那个玻璃球,她好喜欢玻璃球里的雪人和漫天飞舞的飘雪,觉得他也会喜欢。她心里想,要是他愿意放在床边,那多好啊。

九乐棋牌“卖好贵啊。”老同学提醒她。

可她就是想送他这份礼物。那个玻璃球比普通的玻璃球大很多,重甸甸的,又容易打碎,她不敢托运。挤在小小的经济舱的座位里,她一直把玻璃球放在大腿上,十几个小时的机程,下机时,她两条腿都麻了。

然而,当她把礼物送他的时候,他竟连看到不看一眼,只说,他从来就不喜欢玻璃球。

03

九乐棋牌她不知道是时差倒不过来,人崩溃了,还是终于心碎了,她头一次对他发脾气,也是最后一次。

许多年过去,她长大了,蜕变了,她变美,变得比以前好,她有自己的事业,有钱,也有爱她的人,这个人宠她、疼她、迁就她,而且比她曾经一厢情愿爱着的那个男人优秀得多。

原来,她不是丑小鸭,她配得上一个更好的男人。

九乐棋牌当她需要的时候,他总是在她身边,当外面刮着冷飕飕的风,他会提醒她多穿衣服。寒冷的冬夜,当她两只脚丫冻僵了,他会帮她捂脚。她送他的每一样东西,他都会珍惜。

九乐棋牌百转千回,每个人想要的,不过就是珍惜吧?

九乐棋牌那年在纽约买的风景玻璃球一直放在她家里,她始终喜欢这个玻璃球,有时候,她会定定地望着它,回想那时的自己。到头来,她当时掏空口袋里的钱买的这个玻璃球一点也不贵,它是她的救赎,她在玻璃球里看出一厢情愿的爱终归没有未来。

她那时为什么苦苦地爱着那个不爱她的人?是太年轻了还是太没自信?那就是青春吧?青春有多蠢,她就有多蠢。

九乐棋牌他是她年少无知所犯的最愚蠢的错误。

那时候,她常常苦涩地想,她要有多好,才配得上他的爱?她要有多优秀,他才会爱上她?

这么想有多傻啊?

与其卑微地乞求一个男人的爱,不如自个儿活得好。当我足够好,我都不爱你了;我也不爱一个不爱我的人。


作者:张小娴,香港知名作家,全世界华人的爱情知己。迄今已出四十多本小说和散文集,深受广大读者好评。本文转载自张小娴唯一官方账号:遇见张小娴(Miss_AmyZ)。慢慢成长,学着领悟,从爱爱情到爱自己。

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